Thursday, 2 July 2009

Creative Writing Workshop - Dialogue

This is what I wrote today at the creative writing workshop. We were looking at dialogue.

Paul handed his money over, took a ticket and stumbled down the bus searching out a seat as he went. Spotting one he sat down with a thump. Paul began to take his ipod out of his bag and unravel the earphones.

‘You having a good day dear.’

With a sigh to himself he shoved his ipod back in his bag knowing it would be a long journey. ‘Yes thanks.’

‘Lovely day.’

‘Not bad.’

‘You remind me of my Frank. Sweet man.’


‘Yes.’ She gazed out of the window a moment then looked back at Paul. ‘Your eyes.’


‘You have the same eyes. The type of eyes that are young and yet full of wisdom.’

‘Thanks.’ Paul blushed. ‘So what has your day been like?’

‘Can’t complain. I have the air in my lungs and I have had a great love, so, so I can’t complain.’

Paul smiled at this sweet old woman.

‘Mind getting the button love?’

Paul pushed the button, slipped out his seat and watched her head down the bus.

‘Bye son.’ She waved without turning round.

‘Bye.’ Paul returned to his seat. She said, had. She said had a great love. Just then he noticed she was wearing all black.


  1. Good stuff :) If I can, I'd like to offer a friendly suggestion. When a narrative is dialogue driven and the dialogue features small talk it can help to describe actions in a way that hints at emotional states like "Paul bit his fingers anxiously" or "Paul closed his eyes and listened to his heart". Then, even though there's no action in the scene, the reader knows that on a deeper level something important is happening.

  2. Great vignette. The dialog was pitch perfect and believable. Hard to capture a brief moment thusly. Only wish it was longer. Bravo!

  3. Ah! That was a wise twist! One needs to pay complete attention while chatting with someone. This serves as an example. Good job!!!

  4. wow! well done! great ending.

  5. I appreciate any input. I really want to learn and get better. Thank you for the comments and the input.

  6. That was great especially at the end when the lightbulb lit up.

  7. incredible . you transformed a simple every day situation in something magic and delicated .